Friday, February 4, 2011
Another day
Well, woke up really late this morning. Sometimes it's just nice to lay in the bed and stare at the ceiling. That little bit of peace before you get up and start moving. My friends viivii & mexiikan went home today. They've been staying with us for almost 3 weeks but I miss my girly already. But its not that bad since today is Jeremiahs day off so I'm not alone. Being stuck in this house day in and day out can drive someone crazy! I can't wait to get my job at Elite Care. I've never worked with mentally handicapped adults but I did work at a Daycare for 4 years so hopefully I'll adjust well and it'll be fun. Basically all I would be doing is supervising in one their group homes. Sounds easy enough but I hope I enjoy it. Theres nothing worse than working somewhere you hate. If there isn't at least one thing you enjoy you have to drag yourself there and its torture to remain there. Mom says "A job is a job, it doesn't matter if you like it or not." But I would prefer a job I liked though.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Stress
Today's been so slow. For the most part I've been trying to clean my house. There's enough stress in this place without adding a dirty house to it. My fiance's at work and yet again I'm stuck here looking at website after website to help us find help with Little James. I've been worried about him so much lately. My fiance has a 2 year old little boy somewhere out there and God only knows how he's doing. I met Jeremiah(my fiance) about 2 years ago right after his ex-girlfriend Tiffany left for Pennsylvania with a married man taking Little James with her. Wither her breastfeeding there was no way Jeremiah could have done anything. Especially in this day in age when were just starting out. Everything is so expensive!
She visited year '09 for Christmas which was the first time Jeremiah had seen his son since early August. And also the first time I'd ever met Tiffany face to face. I've had bad luck in relationships when there's kids involved so I've found the best way to coexist is to be nice. After all, if I plan on spending the rest of my life with Jeremiah, Tiffany will always be in the background with Little James. Conversating with her was interesting to say the least. She was immature for her age and was VERY open about her life in Pennsylvania. And her BDSM lifestyle. Everything she talked about was negative and made us question the environment Little James was in. She spoke of drugs and having to do sexual acts on webcam for the man she was staying with. She talked about how when he came home James had to be layed down because he didn't want to hear James and how they never had food in the house.
I let her stay at our house for the Holidays because I felt bad her parents had her and James sleeping on a little love seat. For the week she stayed with us I felt I took more care of James than she did. She laid around and read her books and chatted to people from all over the world on her phone. She's a internet person and talks to people far and wide. She's also bi-sexual and hinted the entire week to have a three-some with me and Jeremiah. It was a awkward week to say the least. In the end we discovered James was 3 sets of shots behind on his medical records and was getting sick the last couple days they were down. Tiffany has no job and really doesn't care to have one, so she has no means of income beside $50.00 a month in child support and couldn't afford anything for James while they were down. So in the end we bought all his clothes, toys, and medicine. I even bought her smokes while she was with us. Little James was so cute! Every time I fed him food he wolfed it down so fast I couldn't believe it until I started noticing that Tiffany wasn't feeding him rather letting him fill up on juice and milk. But of course the holidays came to an end and Tiffany and Little James once again disappeared back to Pennsylvania.
We didn't see her or James again til July of 2010. She came down to visit her mom and from her last visit there was no way I was inviting her to stay with us again. But I did take her and James to Badin Lake and bought him a swimmie so he could float around on his own. He loved the water so much but all Tiffany did was lay on the grass with her cell to her ear the entire time. When it came down to leaving a friend and I were clearing up our stuff and James tumbled down the concrete incline to the waters edge scrapping his knees all up and instantly busted out crying. Tiffany never budged or even looked. After everything was loaded up we went to McDonalds to get something to eat, and by this time James was out like a light. I bought food for everyone and by the time we got home Tiffany had done devoured her food as well as James's. That night she also sat me and Jeremiah down to ask us if she could live with us. She said things were so bad in Pennsylvania that she didn't want to go back. Honestly there's no way I was going to allow my fiance's ex to live with us. That would have been awkward to say the least. So we told her James could stay with us but under the circumstances she couldn't. Everything went downhill from there. Upset that we told her no we were scared that she was gonna disappear with James again and all of the negative things she'd told us had us scared for James. We kept James from Tiffany and tried to get sole custody and the court filings down here since he was born down here. Tiffany eventually went back up to Pennsylvania and we started looking around for lawyers to help us. Before we could get the help we were served papers from Pennsylvania calling us to court. Tiffany of course being broke as she is got legal help and all fees waived before we could even pay someone. For the 2 weeks we had James Jeremiah loved it. I could see the happiness on his face every time he came home from work. This was the first time Jeremiah could have one on one time with his son and bond with him. But the papers required us to travel to Pennsylvania for our court date. We received the papers on a Friday and had to be there Monday. So we had to go without legal representation. We gathered all the infortmation she had told us and pictures of Jame's severe diaper rash from his liquid only diet and the bruises on his wrist from her jerking him up so hard and headed over a 100 miles to Pittsburgh Pennsylvania.
That day is the last time we saw James. The courts automatically gave custody to Tiffany without looking at anything we had or any other witness statements or anything. And we were ordered to give him back. Tiffany has refused to tell us where she is or who she is living with. She's dragging James from stranger to strangers house living for short periods of time and moving on to the next place. The guy she originally left up there with got a very angry phone call from his wife and along with James he kicked them out.
Since court it kills me to look at my fiance and the pictures we have of James around the house. He misses his son and worries constantly about James growing up not knowing who he is and calling someone else daddy. Lawyers are so expensive I feel he's given up on getting James back. Tiffany won't even discuss visitation or anything. She's just dropped off the face of the world with James just like we knew she would.
This whole experience has taught me this world is so fucked up in so many ways. It caters to the underdog giving to the scum bags and slackers and makes it so hard for people actually trying to do something. We haven't given up...far from it. But I hope he's safe and taken care of.
She visited year '09 for Christmas which was the first time Jeremiah had seen his son since early August. And also the first time I'd ever met Tiffany face to face. I've had bad luck in relationships when there's kids involved so I've found the best way to coexist is to be nice. After all, if I plan on spending the rest of my life with Jeremiah, Tiffany will always be in the background with Little James. Conversating with her was interesting to say the least. She was immature for her age and was VERY open about her life in Pennsylvania. And her BDSM lifestyle. Everything she talked about was negative and made us question the environment Little James was in. She spoke of drugs and having to do sexual acts on webcam for the man she was staying with. She talked about how when he came home James had to be layed down because he didn't want to hear James and how they never had food in the house.
I let her stay at our house for the Holidays because I felt bad her parents had her and James sleeping on a little love seat. For the week she stayed with us I felt I took more care of James than she did. She laid around and read her books and chatted to people from all over the world on her phone. She's a internet person and talks to people far and wide. She's also bi-sexual and hinted the entire week to have a three-some with me and Jeremiah. It was a awkward week to say the least. In the end we discovered James was 3 sets of shots behind on his medical records and was getting sick the last couple days they were down. Tiffany has no job and really doesn't care to have one, so she has no means of income beside $50.00 a month in child support and couldn't afford anything for James while they were down. So in the end we bought all his clothes, toys, and medicine. I even bought her smokes while she was with us. Little James was so cute! Every time I fed him food he wolfed it down so fast I couldn't believe it until I started noticing that Tiffany wasn't feeding him rather letting him fill up on juice and milk. But of course the holidays came to an end and Tiffany and Little James once again disappeared back to Pennsylvania.
We didn't see her or James again til July of 2010. She came down to visit her mom and from her last visit there was no way I was inviting her to stay with us again. But I did take her and James to Badin Lake and bought him a swimmie so he could float around on his own. He loved the water so much but all Tiffany did was lay on the grass with her cell to her ear the entire time. When it came down to leaving a friend and I were clearing up our stuff and James tumbled down the concrete incline to the waters edge scrapping his knees all up and instantly busted out crying. Tiffany never budged or even looked. After everything was loaded up we went to McDonalds to get something to eat, and by this time James was out like a light. I bought food for everyone and by the time we got home Tiffany had done devoured her food as well as James's. That night she also sat me and Jeremiah down to ask us if she could live with us. She said things were so bad in Pennsylvania that she didn't want to go back. Honestly there's no way I was going to allow my fiance's ex to live with us. That would have been awkward to say the least. So we told her James could stay with us but under the circumstances she couldn't. Everything went downhill from there. Upset that we told her no we were scared that she was gonna disappear with James again and all of the negative things she'd told us had us scared for James. We kept James from Tiffany and tried to get sole custody and the court filings down here since he was born down here. Tiffany eventually went back up to Pennsylvania and we started looking around for lawyers to help us. Before we could get the help we were served papers from Pennsylvania calling us to court. Tiffany of course being broke as she is got legal help and all fees waived before we could even pay someone. For the 2 weeks we had James Jeremiah loved it. I could see the happiness on his face every time he came home from work. This was the first time Jeremiah could have one on one time with his son and bond with him. But the papers required us to travel to Pennsylvania for our court date. We received the papers on a Friday and had to be there Monday. So we had to go without legal representation. We gathered all the infortmation she had told us and pictures of Jame's severe diaper rash from his liquid only diet and the bruises on his wrist from her jerking him up so hard and headed over a 100 miles to Pittsburgh Pennsylvania.
That day is the last time we saw James. The courts automatically gave custody to Tiffany without looking at anything we had or any other witness statements or anything. And we were ordered to give him back. Tiffany has refused to tell us where she is or who she is living with. She's dragging James from stranger to strangers house living for short periods of time and moving on to the next place. The guy she originally left up there with got a very angry phone call from his wife and along with James he kicked them out.
Since court it kills me to look at my fiance and the pictures we have of James around the house. He misses his son and worries constantly about James growing up not knowing who he is and calling someone else daddy. Lawyers are so expensive I feel he's given up on getting James back. Tiffany won't even discuss visitation or anything. She's just dropped off the face of the world with James just like we knew she would.
This whole experience has taught me this world is so fucked up in so many ways. It caters to the underdog giving to the scum bags and slackers and makes it so hard for people actually trying to do something. We haven't given up...far from it. But I hope he's safe and taken care of.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Love is the Beauty of the soul.
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two." ♥
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin6. "Love is the beauty of the soul."
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two." ♥
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin6. "Love is the beauty of the soul."
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